Why do I cry? It can happen anywhere, on the street or in the house, or even in the middle of a conversation. What starts with a few garbled words towards God can end with a rush of emotion that overflows into the eyes and I wonder why that is; it didn’t use to be like that.
The problem of course is Jesus. Particularly dangerous is confession and humility. I know the inclinations of my heart and so much is rubbish that it is easy to despair and to realise I can’t even come to God. The gulf between this pure and holy creator is so immense that even what good there is, causes no lessening of the gap.
Yet it is the very confession that, when combined with the desire to be right with God, lessens the gulf in such a way that God comes to me and the wonder of it is incredible. The desire to be with God is desperate; it is embedded within all of us and we either submit to it or reject it and seek satisfaction elsewhere.
“Chelsea, Chelsea, tattoo my body with Chelsea and every match I will chant the name of Chelsea from London into Europe and beyond. Beer, beer, a bottle for me and a bottle for you. Find me a God, a harsh one will do, one that will rightly judge me for my actions. Don’t give me mercy, I want to pay my own way, too proud for mercy. I won’t show any either; smash up the protesters who don’t see it my way.”
Anything but Jesus! Why is that? Oh pride, the very sin of the devil. How ironic that the very reason Lucifer was cast out of heaven is the same one which keeps us all out. So we have to let humble ourselves and realise there is nothing good within us that can get us closer to God. The only way is to admit this and ask for mercy.
THWOOSH! Was that an arrow? I cry because I humble myself and the love of Jesus pierces me like an arrow. Something, it must be my spirit, receives him like he was all I ever wanted. This man who is God, in whom there is no darkness and who knows my every thought, chooses to love and accept me unconditionally. It is amazing to be loved like this and the slightest revelation is too much for human emotion to contain.